Is My Therapist a Good Fit For Me?

So you’ve decided to seek out a therapist and after many phone calls you’ve scheduled your first appointment. You may be feeling nervous, excited, or like you just made a huge mistake. Either way, you have decided to keep the appointment and see what this is all about. One of the questions you may be  asking yourself is, “How do I know if my therapist is a good fit for me?” Let’s take a moment to dive a little bit deeper into the relationship you may have with your therapist and how to know if they are a good fit for you.

Now before you call a therapist you may want to consider what identities are important to you when it comes to the person you are meeting with. If you are a Black person or person of color you may want to meet with a therapist who is also a Black person or person of color. You may want a therapist who is a woman or who practices your same religion. You may want someone who identifies with the LGBTQ+ community. At the very least you probably want someone who has demonstrated, either by what they have written on their website or through other content they have shared, that they are an ally and understand the unique challenges your community might face. You also want to consider if you are looking for someone who specializes in a particular area (trauma, eating disorders, grief, etc.). Thinking about this before you start therapy will help you find a therapist who meets your needs and therefore is more likely to be a good fit.  This does not mean that every therapist who identifies the way you do will be great or that therapists who do not identify the way you do will be terrible. It just means that you may want to reflect on this before you start looking. 

Another thing to understand about therapy and the therapeutic relationship is that it is not a friendship. You are not looking for your therapist to be your best friend. You are looking for your therapist to be able to help you explore your concerns and help you reach whatever goals you want to work on in therapy. This is important to keep in mind because it will help you manage your expectations. Your therapist should be friendly and create a space where you feel welcome, safe, and able to be vulnerable. Creating this kind of relationship will take some time so if you do not feel connected right away, stay open and try to attend at least one more session before making a decision. The exception here is if the therapist says or does something offensive or inappropriate. If this is the case, keep looking. 

One of the biggest questions to ask yourself when figuring out if your therapist is a good fit for you is “How do they make me feel?” You can expect to feel challenged at times. You can even expect to be annoyed, frustrated, confused with/by your therapist sometimes. That is expected because this is a relationship and we experience those emotions in relationships. It’s also to be expected because you are talking about things that are going to bring up all types of emotions.  The difference here is whether you feel like you can talk about it with your therapist. 

Here are a few other questions to reflect on when trying to figure out if your therapist is a good fit:

Do you feel like you can be your full self with them? 

Are they helping you explore your issues? 

Do you feel judged by your therapist?

Do you know more about your therapist than they know about you?

Again, this is not an exhaustive list of questions for you to ask yourself. It may also take some time to get clear on the relationship you are building with your therapist in order to make a decision about whether or not you want to continue to meet with them. Either way, taking some time on the front end will help you get more clear about what you are looking for in a therapist and make the process of looking for a therapist a little easier.